I am green. Mai is blue. Simon is red.
Shall we talk?
You and Joan Rivers.
You look exhausted and I think you need to talk.
Well, yeah, sort of. Simon has decided we need to argue and fight about religion.
Don't you have some sort of rule against that?
Sort of. Not a rule exactly. It just isn't done. He's welcome to believe anything he wants. But he isn't welcome to coerce me! I try not to get annoyed...
I know you. You hide it, but it pisses you off. Big time.
I got treated to another one of his sermons last night.
He went on and on and on. I was having acid reflux and he just wouldn't shut up! I finally shouted at him, 'Do we have any Gaviscon? He actually heard me and got some for me. And then continued. On and on and on.(Accusingly): You don't believe in God. You just pretend! You are a hypocrite.(Refusing to argue): Whatever.(Raising voice): You love your brothers than you love God! They think they're big men running around in those turbans of theirs and those awful beards.Please leave my family out of your religious tirade!(Angrily): You don't believe in God. He is so angry! He sent that tsunami to kill all those sex predators in Thailand. And he's sending earthquakes and floods and wars! He's going to destroy all this horrible stuff! The devil is ruling here and God is going to destroy him and all his followers.
(Under my breath): That is your belief. I don't believe God is ever angry.You are so stupid! The Bible says he is an angry God!The Bible is your book. It's good you believe in your book. But it's not my book.YOU DON'T BELIEVE IN THE BIBLE!!!! YOU ARE INSANE!!
What did you say?
I just started jaaping naam. Quietly. It doesn't seem to bother him and it centers me.
(Tentatively):Mai, I need to tell you something.
OK.
I'm tired of the way he bullies you.
WHAT!?
I'm tired of the way he bullies you. He's so mean and nasty and you don't even see it! Everybody else does! Even your Kaurs. The way he talks to you! If Raj ever talked so mean to me, I'd be in tears. And I'd probably go home to Mata.
Oh, he's not that bad. Just a little overbearing!
(Stamping foot):And intolerant and accusing and just plain mean! He makes me so angry.
You? Angry?
Yes!. Me! Angry!
My sweet, gentle Lilly?
Yes, your sweet, gentle Jain Lilly. He makes me sin; I'm so angry. You know what I think?
Huh?
He doesn't deserve you. You're so loving and loyal to him and the way he treats you just isn't right! I think you should hop on a plane or a train or something and move to Montreal before his flat-out nastiness kills you!
Are you out of your mind?
No. Are you out of your mind?
Look. Tolerance is not part of his religion. In fact, intolerance is built into it; it's part of it. I can't expect him to change! He really, truly believes all that crap! There I said it! We have to sin because of Adam and Eve; we have no choice. But it makes God mad anyway and the only way we can be saved is by a human sacrifice. It's insane. The whole religion is insane. And uncivilised. OK. But he believes it and he believes that if I don't believe it I'll burn in hell forever. Whew. A speech.
Please, Mai, be serious! I'm afraid all this stress is making you really sick. Literally. Everyone sees how he treats you.
It really doesn't bother me all that much. Simon is Simon. That's just what he's like. And I won't turn my home into a war zone.
You won't - It already is! Your home already is a war zone. He attacks and attacks and you don't even notice it most of the time. There's a war going on and you're losing because you refuse to fight!
Look in the mirror! You look like hell. Your eyes are puffy and your skin is pasty and you look - I don't know, but you don't look good!
I'm just tired. You know I have trouble sleeping.
And he makes it worse.
Don't do this to me, Lilly.
Somebody needs to. And I'm the only one who has the nerve to talk to you.
On the fucking Internet for the whole world to see?
Hardly anyone reads my blog. And the ones who do care about you and they'll back me up.
Are you really going to post this?
Yes. It's all been saved as we write.
[For those who don't know, Mai usually does the typing, but I'm doing it this time]
Lilly, please don't.
No, I'm going to. Your friends need to know what's going on. That's enough. Now, Mighty Warrior, go take a nap. I'm going to post and you can't stop me! It's only because I love you. We all do, but you h
ave no sense at all when it comes to the people you love. You really are Melanie!
ave no sense at all when it comes to the people you love. You really are Melanie! Mai snorts. And stomps off.
I slipped some ambien in her tea. She is now sound asleep and she's going to be angry if she reads this and I know she will. I've never done anything like this before. But, all her friends, we need to bring her to her senses. Boo. Eleanor. I know you read my blog. I don't know if Kamal does, but if you do, you need to try to talk sense into her. Who else is in her inbox. Harjot. Joey. Confused Khalsa. Kulbir. It is not an emergency yet, so I won't write you, but she is so stubborn and she really does believe that everyone she loves is very, very good. Simon does not mean to hurt her, but he is. I don't think he knows any better.
4 comments:
Yes, and I would consider it pretty much a certainty that he won't change. Even Mai admits that this is how he is.
I am behind you hugely Lilly. I have told Mai very similar things on a couple of occasions, re leaving Simon and going back to Canada as he doesn't seem to respect her enough (ask her, I have). And lately I have kept thinking, again, that she should move to Montreal - just keeps going through my head.
Yes Mai, he might be supportive in some ways, in some areas (of course, such support may stem more from wanting to *keep* you) but *most* people are good in some ways. And just because you can love someone doesn't mean they are good for you.
Also, it is especially important, when one's health is frail, to have supportive and nurturing people around you. Not people who will do things - and esp unnecessary things - which stress you. He might not know any better, but that doesn't lessen his behaviour's affect on you.
I believe you need to put yourself and your health first NO MATTER WHAT. How this may affect him is nothing to do with you. If he cannot love and support you doing what's best for your happiness and health (ie. that old thing of if you love someone set them free) then he does not really love you. When you truly care for someone you want what is best for them.
And why do you need Simon when you have such loving family and friends around you? I suspect you have more people in your life who passionately love you than most people do. You ought to make the most of it and be around people who you feel peaceful with. Who you don't need to walk on eggshells with - which is so unlike you Mai! He is making you go against your own nature! He won't give you the freedom to be yourself! And you ought to be old enough and wise enough to know better!!!
Do you not believe you deserve to be happy? content? relaxed? peaceful? loved? cherished? That you are worthy of these things just as you are? Maybe you believe all this, but you do not KNOW it; are not acting on it.
Thought; intention; ACTION Mai! Your own words.
Hmm, I don't think Lilly expected such a long-winded speech. But... this is an intervention!!
Mai: does Lilly ever lie? Would Lilly do this, knowing it would be difficult for you to hear but considering it worthwhile because it is that important, if she did not wholeheartedly believe it to be true?
Of course I love you no matter what you do.
El xo xo
Whew, I cannot top the flow of support from the West - go EB!!
Mealy-mouth Mellie Mai is not. But one overriding thing I'll gather from her many posts is that she's STUBBORN as all get out, and probably won't take any action on anything until she's good and ready.
But I'm with EB and Lilly on the health issue - how is she supposed to get better and stronger when someone is arguing with her all the time? And about her faith, of all bloody things.
Both Simon and Mai knew what they were getting into when they first got married, and both need to take responsibility for some BASIC FUNDAMENTAL differences of religion (but don't get me started on Christians).
And there's also the question of respect for Mai's nearest and dearest. Her innumerable brothers being a large part of that. "They think they're big men running around in their turbans and their awful beards?" Please. There's no respect in that sentence.
Lilly, BBBJ, Eleanor, and the rest of you who have e-mailed me:
I have given you all personal answers, either in person or by e-mail. I would like to make one further comment in the form of this story:
A man found a cocoon of a butterfly. One day a small opening appeared. He
sat and watched the butterfly for several hours as it struggled to force its
body through that little hole. Then it seemed to stop making any progress.
It appeared as if it had gotten as far as it could, and it could go no
further.
So the man decided to help the butterfly. He took a pair of scissors and
snipped off the remaining bit of the cocoon. The butterfly then emerged
easily. But it had a swollen body and small, shriveled wings.
The man continued to watch the butterfly because he expected that, at any
moment, the wings would enlarge and expand to be able to support the body,
which would contract in time.
Neither happened! In fact, the butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling
around with a swollen body and shriveled wings. It never was able to fly.
What the man, in his kindness and haste, did not understand was that the
restricting cocoon and the struggle required for the butterfly to get
through the tiny opening were God's or nature's or evolution's or whatever's way of forcing fluid from the body of
the butterfly into its wings so that it would be ready for flight once it
achieved its freedom from the cocoon.
Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our lives. If God or nature or evolution or whatever allowed us
to go through our lives without any obstacles, it would cripple us. We would
not be as strong as what we could have been. We could never fly!
*Celebrate Life ... Great Week ahead...*
Love and chardi kala to you all!
Lilly, you're standing right here, but I'll put it in your blog anyway. Please participate in this meme. You really do need to start writing again. I know you're too orderly to be random, except in the purely quantam sense, but dear, you're a Jain - and that's plenty weird.
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