I am green. Mai is blue. Simon is red.
Shall we talk?
You and Joan Rivers.
You look exhausted and I think you need to talk.
Well, yeah, sort of. Simon has decided we need to argue and fight about religion.
Don't you have some sort of rule against that?
Sort of. Not a rule exactly. It just isn't done. He's welcome to believe anything he wants. But he isn't welcome to coerce me! I try not to get annoyed...
I know you. You hide it, but it pisses you off. Big time.
I got treated to another one of his sermons last night.
He went on and on and on. I was having acid reflux and he just wouldn't shut up! I finally shouted at him, 'Do we have any Gaviscon? He actually heard me and got some for me. And then continued. On and on and on.(Accusingly): You don't believe in God. You just pretend! You are a hypocrite.(Refusing to argue): Whatever.(Raising voice): You love your brothers than you love God! They think they're big men running around in those turbans of theirs and those awful beards.Please leave my family out of your religious tirade!(Angrily): You don't believe in God. He is so angry! He sent that tsunami to kill all those sex predators in Thailand. And he's sending earthquakes and floods and wars! He's going to destroy all this horrible stuff! The devil is ruling here and God is going to destroy him and all his followers.(Under my breath): That is your belief. I don't believe God is ever angry.You are so stupid! The Bible says he is an angry God!The Bible is your book. It's good you believe in your book. But it's not my book.YOU DON'T BELIEVE IN THE BIBLE!!!! YOU ARE INSANE!!
What did you say?
I just started jaaping naam. Quietly. It doesn't seem to bother him and it centers me.
(Tentatively):Mai, I need to tell you something.
OK.
I'm tired of the way he bullies you.
WHAT!?
I'm tired of the way he bullies you. He's so mean and nasty and you don't even see it! Everybody else does! Even your Kaurs. The way he talks to you! If Raj ever talked so mean to me, I'd be in tears. And I'd probably go home to Mata.
Oh, he's not that bad. Just a little overbearing!
(Stamping foot):And intolerant and accusing and just plain mean! He makes me so angry.
You? Angry?
Yes!. Me! Angry!
My sweet, gentle Lilly?
Yes, your sweet, gentle Jain Lilly. He makes me sin; I'm so angry. You know what I think?
Huh?
He doesn't deserve you. You're so loving and loyal to him and the way he treats you just isn't right! I think you should hop on a plane or a train or something and move to Montreal before his flat-out nastiness kills you!
Are you out of your mind?
No. Are you out of your mind?
Look. Tolerance is not part of his religion. In fact, intolerance is built into it; it's part of it. I can't expect him to change! He really, truly believes all that crap! There I said it! We have to sin because of Adam and Eve; we have no choice. But it makes God mad anyway and the only way we can be saved is by a human sacrifice. It's insane. The whole religion is insane. And uncivilised. OK. But he believes it and he believes that if I don't believe it I'll burn in hell forever. Whew. A speech.
I slipped some ambien in her tea. She is now sound asleep and she's going to be angry if she reads this and I know she will. I've never done anything like this before. But, all her friends, we need to bring her to her senses. Boo. Eleanor. I know you read my blog. I don't know if Kamal does, but if you do, you need to try to talk sense into her. Who else is in her inbox. Harjot. Joey. Confused Khalsa. Kulbir. It is not an emergency yet, so I won't write you, but she is so stubborn and she really does believe that everyone she loves is very, very good. Simon does not mean to hurt her, but he is. I don't think he knows any better.